Questions on Death

* Rated for disturbing contents, please avoid if topic on death is sensitive
to you. Thank you*

Have you guys really thought about death before?

Yeah I know I sound morbid, but I was just thinking about it. Maybe something reminded me about this inevitable cycle of life ...cause...My grandma is really, really sick and at the same time, Jade's grandma is really, really sick too. Sadly, its all the matter of time for them to just let go.

If you checked the dictionary, the meaning itself is depressing. 1) to stop living (thats alright). 2) to stop existing. to DISAPPEAR (huh?)

I am a Christian, but I admit that I am low on faith. I have my doubts and "what if's" running through my head. Okay. So - what IF there is no God? No God means no heaven. Then where would our souls go? Do we even HAVE a soul? What if our bodies ARE our souls, attached to each other, and when we die, our soul dies out too. And we just... poof. DISAPPEAR from this world. Like the dictionary said. We're like nothingness, buried into the sands of the earth together with our corpse. We stop to exist and the world will still go on.

Or lets say that we do have souls. That would explain the "ghosts" still roaming around this world, right? So why are they still stuck here? Are they going to be here for eternity? Will we suffer the same fate of being restless, non-verbal spirits with a come-and-go apparition?

Okay now lets say that there IS a heaven, and miraculously, some of us are allowed to get in despite our gezillion sins. What do we do in heaven anyway? I heard, that all we're going to do there is worship God for eternity, and nothing else. And the bible says that we're going to be really happy there just singing and praising God. Personally I think its really boring. Not to mention depressing. I mean..No clubbing, no social events, no shopping, no conflicts, no bad jokes, no "naughty" doings...nothing of that.

When you look up at the emptiness of the skies above, seriously, you just have to wonder what is really up there. Cause it looks like nothing is up there for you. After the four layers of the skies, its space. Angels don't live in space. Okay maybe heaven is in a different dimension, right. But what dimension? Is it all just in our dreams and imagination? Is that the only way to get there, by dying and letting our minds wander off to this perfect paradise?

Our perceptions on death changes over time. I remember when I first asked my mom what dying was, ( i was probably 4/5 or sth) I was scared. I can imagine being buried into the ground and I would be all alone forever, suffocating. Of course, when we're dead we can't feel that, but well you know, kids think differently. And then when I was in my teens, (13-14 like that) It didn't scare me at all, wanted to die even at times. Haha. Now its just neutral, but you get my point.

So if we are all going to die anyway, why are we scared to do so many things in this lifetime? Its not like we have such a long time to live to postpone everything. We don't know when our time is going to be up. Holding back on doing some crazy things is just a waste. Oh. And like, what if we have been stressing out on studies, studies and pursuing the perfect "you" ..and then a 3 tonne petrol truck just mow you down on your way home from school? Its like "your whole life" was just wasted on studying for nothing. Geez. I'd be a pretty frustrated ghost.

In conclusion, this just proves that I think too much. I need a break.